Epic Movie

Ronnie Jackson is a lowly baby photographer who secretly fantasizes about being a private detective. When a lovely baroness actually mistakes him for one and asks him to help locate her missing husband, Baron Montay, Ronnie finds himself agreeing. Several days later he is on death row whiling away the hours until his execution by recounting to a group of reporters the bizarre tale of how he ended up there.

Dracula and Renfield relocate to '70s era New York in search of Cindy Sondheim, the reincarnation of Dracula's one true love, Mina Harker. "Trouble adjusting" is a wild understatement for the Count as he battles Cindy's psychiatrist, Jeffrey Rosenberg, a descendant of Van Helsing, who may be in love with Cindy too.

College freshmen Debbie and Marcie are excited to start their new lives at a Pacific Northwest university but after being invited to a Zeta Omega Epsilon party the two suddenly find themselves in the strange and occult world of Role Playing Games. The duo are soon hooked on the highly addictive experience that is RPGing and the game quickly becomes a habit that consumes their lives. After Debbie’s intense pagan training through the RPGs lead her to accept an invitation to join a witches’ coven, her grades begin to plummet and she is in danger of flunking out of college. She calls on darker and deeper magical forces to use a “mind bondage” spell on her professor. Meanwhile, Marcie foolishly reads from the Necronomicon and summons Cthulhu.

The evil Gen. Rancor has his sights set on world domination, and only one man can stop him: Dick Steele, also known as Agent WD-40. Rancor needs to obtain a computer circuit for the missile that he is planning to fire, so Steele teams up with Veronique Ukrinsky, a KGB agent whose father designed the chip. Together they try to locate the evil mastermind's headquarters, where Veronique's father and several other hostages are being held.

When Ashtray moves to South Central L.A. to live with his father (who appears to be the same age he is) and grandmother (who likes to talk tough and smoke reefer), he falls in with his gang-banging cousin Loc Dog, who along with the requisite pistols and Uzi carries a thermo-nuclear warhead for self-defense. Will Ashtray be able to keep living the straight life?